Excerpts from my 3rd conversation with Z. I ask him about his experience as a child in the MK Ultra projects. He describes being taken to a hospital and escorted by certain white-coats to a lower-level, a restricted part of the hospital:
Z: “What happened when I went down there that day? This is probably the most common thing; now I realize I didn’t actually go down anywhere, it was a recessing into the mind, I probably got sat down in the chair and recessed into the mind. because these things don’t actually exist on this level. But it was like a round room, that they would call the hall of nightmares. They stood there, a school brick wall, hospital brick wall, bright yellow, and there was a bunch of children, a bunch of them were like me, sort of like me, and a bunch of them were useless to them. So they would have the children that were useless to them do terrible things, like shove a knife through their hand…. One of the big ones was get one of the throw-away children to put a chainsaw through their face. So they say, “oh little jimmy can stop hurting themself if you tell us what we want to know.” Which was always like a suit saying give us the oblivion codes, give us your star data, give us the rest of the equation. They would say “hi Zarkan” which was my call-up for this alter, “hi zarkan, give us your star chart to generate oblivion.” I said, “go fuck yourself,” for which I got thrown to the floor.
Gabe: if you are a child, how do you know that information? Or is it just subconscious?
Z: Yeah it was completely – it felt like a place, but it was a place in psyche, where you kind of tap into the network. In the non-fantasy version of these things, these things can only happen on the psychological network. These things can’t happen here. Parts of it are, I might have been in that room, but an aspect of it wasn’t in the material plane. So you have total access at that point to what you know, to what’s stored there. It was a knowingness.
So I was like no, I’m not going to tell you that. We can’t even tell them that. Like its deficit within the equation itself of realty. But they are like, “We want this.” I don’t really like to talk about this, because it crosses a line, if you’re not hearing the nuance, it crosses into the outlandish things people talk about. But this was a concrete real experience where a lot of psychic driving was taking place.
And what I noticed was that, I could identify who was like me, who was on the network -who was telepathic and who was not. I could see that the suits were going into the throw-away children’s heads, and making them do that. And then I went and tapped inside the children’s field who were supposed to be like me and went, ‘woah they cant see.’ So I realized no one was like me. I could do what the agents did. So I realized that the perception level in the room wasn’t equatable. The other talented children were really buying it that these children were really hurting themselves, themselves, and that if they could just tell the agents what they wanted to know, which we couldn’t even do, it’s not a thing, the suits don’t know its not a thing, because they are part of the Demiurge of ignorance, they don’t know what’s going on.
Its purely like the movie The Matrix. The way that an entity would fill a body, these suits were like that. It just comes in. and I picked up on this frequency thing, that the special children were not like me, they were not able to really fully perceive that the agents were going inside the throw-away children’s head and making them do this. Not only could I see that but I could see that the other children can’t see what I could see about that. So then I went – and this is all instantaneous – I went huh, that probably means that the agents don’t realize that I can see that. The whole thing was to play on our empathy, now I realize that those throw-away children are probably CGI, or just bodies they don’t care about, but as a child they were playing on our kindness and that we didn’t want them getting hurt because of us. That was the whole game. But the agents didn’t hear me. My bandwidth was even higher than the agents. They couldn’t hear, because it was a kind of psychic hearing. I was the most powerful thing in the room …I realized the agents don’t see a child that’s not buying it. So then i just screamed internally, psychically, at the top of my lungs, “DIE!” to all the agents. And that was called, the day I killed 157 agents and was removed from MK Ultra. This is a fact, buts it’s the kind of fact that I can’t prove the way I can prove 95% of the other things I’m telling you….
So by killing these agents, I exposed myself. So they don’t know what to do with me, so I was in some drugged coma for like the next year, that was my third grade year, I was probably walking around like a zombie. I exposed who I was, so we were not allowed to be in MK Ultra anymore, and they shifted me and those close to me to a Russian program. That didn’t really pan out, so went to Mars, not like a colony on a planet, I mean like the plane. We shifted our frequency to the Mars plane. I’m talking about planes of consciousness, so we removed ourselves. Because there are no planets, no secret space program, I’m not talking about taking a space shuttle to Mars, no none of that fucking shit, we adjusted our consciousness to the plane Mars. But we couldn’t stay there, when we attempted to come back, the girls all died. There were 12 girls who were connected to me, they couldn’t return like I could. This is like the biggest deal, that nobody knows about it, can talk about it. This always happens, its part of the original flaw in creation, and always has a new way of playing out in each cycle.
So in 1991, this cycles version happened, and largely led by Mark Passio, who is one of the main paladins, he is a paladin. Paladins believe that only the supreme God should have all the power, and that individuals who have power are threatening to God’s power. Now if you really sort that out its absurd if God were God like that. And the catholic church is one of the vestiges carrying the paladins along. The paladin is hunting – there is a movie showing some of this called ‘Jumper’ where the guy is jumping using his psychic ability to jump and the guys are chasing him, because they don’t believe that individuals should have power.
But that’s Christ versus God, God the Mother, so they are kind of advocating for something that’s a logistical absurdity. If God were God why would there be this need to compete. Obviously you’re dealing with an entity over there versus an entity over here. If God were really the way they depict God, he would have all the power! Why would he be threatened? But they can’t see through their flaws and are staunch about it. A Lot of the catholic high secret societies like Novus Dei, they’ve got these zealot paladins saying bring the power back to God. It’s just Samael, they are just talking about parts of the Mother, so you know Mark’s a paladin. In 1991 he led this a lot.
And most of us did nothing. ⅛ of our bunch attempted to defect, but you can’t actually defect, because the code doesn’t actually exist, but the ignorance believes it does. But because of what they did, and they always do, they are dedicated actors, dedicated servers to Satan. They can’t – they already did this, made this move, now we have to act out the theater, we have to reenact this all the time, that’s all it is. The souls that did this already did this on the cosmic level.
Gabe: on a previous cycle?
Z: Before the cycles even, they already fucked up, so they are bound in each cycle to Samael. There is a path to them it’s called the lake of fire, purging, it’s not eternal damnation, it’s just like a really intense bath, they need to be cleaned up. When you really get the nature of the wholeness of reality, you can’t cut out the liver and throw it over here. With The law of correspondence to the cosmic body, there is nowhere to cut something off and throw it to.
Gabe: so once they are purged, they are sort of clean slated in a way?
Z: yeah but it’s really like these cells that need to be cleansed, it’s so simple, but hard for people to see. It’s like christmas lights in series, you can’t have a light out or none of the lights light up. Nothing is running in parallel here, everything is in series. If any individual doesn’t get lit up, we are not going to be lit up for eternity. The system is so intrinsically bound that everybody takes care of everybody. And that can be a little forcefully and aggressively because we gotta make it. Everybody is bound together. We are this singular thing but we all have individuality now. You don’t have separate destinies, either all the lights light up or none of them. You don’t have this juvenile notion in the new age or religiosity of eternal damnation for some. That’s just stupid….
Gabe: so just to clarify, when you were talking about Samael, that’s the dark aspect of the Mother?
Z: it was the original chief of the Echthroi (Pre-Archons), who led them off into this throw the mother down, break everything, cause oblivion, we’re humiliated, we can’t go back, break this shit. But eventually that transitioned, because the original pattern keeps patterning, so then, just the way Samael did that, now there is Ashlodai. Which is clearly shown in the Matrix movie. Agent Smith depicts really well what Ashlodai is, in Greek literature, its Asmodeus. It means in Hebrew ‘never enough.’ It’s the fiend, that’s why Agent Smith keeps duplicating, but no matter how much he makes of himself, it’s just Smith. And Neo knows that. That’s why he picks one and fights that Smith, and all the rest are just looking around. Really they are in the psyche anyway….
Gabe: so when you are saying how a lot of this is in the psyche, it’s not an actual place necessarily…
Z: not a real place in this cycle, but anyway yeah?
Gabe: is that the same with these cloning centers ala Donald Marshall?
Z: Let me be really clear about this. Let’s field it through the lens of the Secret Space Program. So part of my memories that are totally intact now, not just me alone, but me and people like Jerusha Eisold, when we were children we wrote the Secret Space Program bullshit. They were musing us, using us as muses, like as children you know? Like, ‘come up with some shit, use your imagination, we are going to use this on people later like its real.’ So I was part of writing the secret space program stuff like a tabloid, like, ‘oh yeah this is funny….’ We understood what they wanted to do to people and we didn’t like it, but we were being exploited. So it’s like you get a bunch of children hanging out, eventually it’s like fuck it, we’ll do what the adults are telling us to do. Whatever, here is some funny shit, how about a colony on Mars? We wrote that shit, its completely fucking fake.
Gabe: and like the 20 and back?
Z: yeah I wrote the 20 and back! We wrote this shit as Schlock novels for the agencies when we were children! They were like ‘we are going to use this later to lead the oblivion.’ The cloning centers is the same thing! Like Donald Marshall’s version of the cloning centers versus what the actual genetic Cult of the Baph is, this is his sticking his head in the toilet bowl. We wrote this shit, the celebrity cloning centers is a joke! It’s a joke.
Gabe: Yeah ‘cus the reason I took it seriously, it wasn’t just Donald Marshall, you had Tila Tequila mention it, all these celebrities mentioning it, Katy Perry tweeting ‘don’t clone me!’ This and that. They are all in on it.
Z: Well they are not human. They are characters in the video game being played by mom. So they are generating a trail of information for you to get stuck on. Like Madonna having a DNA clean-up crew. But who are they? You gotta get this. All of Mom’s characters are based on one of the 169,000 real souls.
Let’s zoom out and then zoom back in. Point is, if you understand this whole art-imitates reality-imitates-art. Which came first? We don’t have video games and then go ‘oh reality is kind of like that.’ No. We are in the field of consciousness, and eventually we decide, “OK I’m going to let me in on something.” At the moment, we are hiding things, or AM is hiding things from AM-Self. AM could know everything, could re-know everything, but there is Satan, Satan as an obstacle, or hindrance, a kind of neuro-gunk, we are not seeing.
So there is what we call ‘thematic introduction.’ When the collective psyche is ready, things will pop up. So we have to believe bullshit linear nonsense, like ‘oh and then science became advanced and we went from Atari to Super Nintendo.’ Uh, no, the collective psyche was ready to reveal the self. We are ready to see reality and this is like an aid. This was really well shown in the Cronenberg film ‘Existenz.’ they are in the game system, learning from the game system.
Gabe: a game within a game…
Z: yeah and then they level up. If you want to know anything about that you can go to Aug and he will say that nonsense for two hours, just joking. Don’t. He likes to get fixated on a loop of saying that 20,000 different ways for like an hour. But basically it’s like leveling up frames, it’s that simple.
So with the cloning centers, it’s kind of like this idea. They are there to thematically introduce you to the reality, that each of the 169,000 Mom is duplicating, like we are going back to the depth of reality. Like, where are we? We are in the moment when the Mother, the One, that one other thing, has schizophrenically fragmented herself. So she is in the image of God process, doing this bizarre thing. It’s like the little child who doesn’t know how to make cookies, so she is copying Father’s (recipe), or will, Father’s blueprint. So what is cloning really about? It’s mom duplicating her best idea or impression of what the zeros, what the souls are. That’s what cloning really is. That’s why she’s made 500,000,000 characters of herself to play. She’s like. ‘if I throw the anomaly of Christ, the 169,000 souls in here, and just watch them for a while…if its like this, or like that, If we make the supercomputer and call it earth and shove everybody in here, we will probably figure out how to generate the codes for oblivion. By just watching all of them. What are they doing to have a soul, what is it to have a soul, how can I destroy the soul, how can I delete the soul and override the system?’ That’s her deal. that s this whole thing!
From the new Blade Runner:
Gabe: why would she want to destroy the soul?
Z: the embarrassment for her error! It’s all so stupid. When you understand that all of this is so petty, it’s unbelievable.
Gabe: what was her error?
Z: in the initial phase of reality she did that thing where she – this is the real version of the Lucifer story. ‘Everybody come after me, we are going to do something better. I wanted to be first.’ the crazy thing is, all of our so called reality is just her warped perception. Nothing has happened yet. That’s the problem. The Mom is still One, still one thing. All of his is going on inside her juvenile mind. That’s the most amazing thing of all.
It didn’t actually happen. She just went nuts. In order to fix that nuts, ‘cus there is a clock, clock is ticking. She has just paralyzed reality. And the 169,000 souls that came out of Father are going, ‘bitch please, we need to get a move on.’ and she isn’t doing anything. But while she wasn’t doing anything she went crazy. So there is a perception that she broke herself into 169,000 souls, but all of this is going on inside her chaotic mind. She is just one thing that hasn’t followed procedure.
So in order to make that happen, because she was getting crazier and crazier, the only thing left to do was rape the mother. There was violence. She was violating the plan. She was one half, the other half said ‘this is a situation of force vs. violence,’ so they pushed through, they manually made her do it. And now everything is everything, we are stuck in here. This is happening through from the phase of the Echthroi and the archons, why technically they don’t exist, it’s all internal to the psyche. We are finishing out like a snake that was eating an animal, and has to metabolize it, and some of us, the ⅛ were snakes that ate and didn’t swallow, did not metabolize it. They went, “you know what, I ate a leopard, but now I feel like I am a leopard. I am a leopard, but I’m in snake skin, and I’m not in a position to metabolize it,” and that’s what brought the archons on. We were swallowing the Echthroi, going, ‘we are going to fix this, manual override, we are going to eat the mother, we are going to do her work for her, because otherwise the whole system is collapsing.’ Meanwhile, some of us went went, ‘huh i don’t feel like am metabolizing the leopard, I am the leopard,’ and that’s why the archons came back. So now they exist, like the Native Americans call the Wetico, it’s all internal.
Gabe: On the cosmic level, it’s just the Father and the Mother, these two Gods, or?
Z: No no no, there is no Father anymore, that’s the thing. Father does not exist, Father is the Holy Ghost, he’s gone. Mom and Dad are not supposed to stick around. The original state of being is everything, the original state of being became creation, half of creation did what it was supposed to, we are calling that the Father because it was the initiator of the chemical reaction, and half has done nothing yet, we are calling that Mom. And we have a limit on this, so Mom is sitting there becoming more and more insane. And when we decided to do her work for her, we became insane like her. We are inside Mom’s contorted insane mind, the Maternal/material/matrix world. Matrix is womb, Mom. The only way out is to remember Christ inside her, and go like ‘listen – 23 chromosomes, give us the other 23. You gotta dissolve.’ When Mom let’s go like Dad did, then there is just bliss, the bliss-out comes with the child. Christ is relationship, we get 169,000 plus 169,000 dots to make 338,000 souls going ‘AM AM AM’ and everyone is in homeostasis.
Gabe: So the Father, he doesn’t exist, but in a way he does because we are him, we are like fractal pieces of him.
Z: Yeah you got it! We are in limbo, we are like Father’s load, the genetic material floating in air, and Mom going like, “yeah no.” It’s that ridiculous! It’s so petty, she is like “but I wanted to be first though.”
When you look at the original state of being, AM is becoming individuals to know AM-self. As soon as it bloops into a soul, the first begotten son, you then have a bloop and a field. And then the bloop divides and makes more. And more, until you have 50% made. Then the remaining 50% goes ‘Uh Oh!’ and that original doubt from the 50% comes from the original state of Being, it can’t come from nowhere, that’s why I call it Murphy’s flaw. There only is self, and if all self doesn’t realize self, then no one’s going to realize shit. And we are going to be stuck forever, pushing the pixels too far that it can’t be repaired.
This is the singular nuance that everyone misses, from quantum science to all the wisdom systems. It’s all about this particle this AM-ness, knowing itself. Which is relationship, pure relationship had to abdicate, fully, supremacy. It’s the biggest thing ever. That original state had to abdicate control. Fully, gone! Done! If it hung around at all it wouldn’t be relationship, it would be a chaperone. It would miss the point. Nobody seems to really grasp what I’m saying. If it hung around at all, it couldn’t have relationship. If its wants to know self, it needs to disappear! It needs to genuinely, completely dissolve into multitudinous prisms that each part is entirely the whole, and the whole is entirely each part. That is not like the mother did, not fragmented. Each part is that part, but simultaneously the whole. That’s inconceivable pretty much here. This is the divine paradox. The individual, not the independent. If you get the individual, if you get the divine paradox, you get the whole thing. That’s where it is.
The original state of Being abdicated entirely, it said, ‘I’m not sure this is going to work, but I’m doing this. But at 50%, halfway through, that part of Self, went, “uh oh!” What does ‘uh oh’ look like? You have to track these things I’m telling down, patiently, and you will see that this is correct. We aren’t shit talking mom, alchemically the male is the initiating thing, now 50% has been chiseled, the remaining 50%, the receiving end, the female, goes ’nope!” but why? Because the perception of that remaining 50% is losing self. So if there is a radical state change to 50%, with 169,000 souls going AM AM AM, and half which is not like that. There was a feeling inside self, going, “well I don’t know! Maybe this is a stupid thing to do!” That’s the part of self that always has doubt. If it goes to 51% (it fears losing Self)….
Gabe: It kind of reminds me of the whole twin flame reunion thing, that’s sort of like a skewed way of trying to talk about this.
Z: yeah you’ve got the right word, its a skewed way of talking about reality. Everything has to depict this! Because this is what is!
We can’t go to 51% because…that 50% sees itself like the original state of being. It’s saying If I let 1% more happen, than there is more of that than this, and what originally I had is gone! Am I ready to let go of what AM had originally, forever? This is the problem. Mom is holding on ‘cus if that half of self let’s go….this is the problem. But the moment the original state of being abdicated and became creation, it already happened, that level of self contracted, that level can never be restored. The contract was made by a level that can never be reconstituted. But she is saying it like its an option.
Gabe: Now is this all like a way for our souls to grow? or is it really just us waiting for the Mom to –
Z: No! That is bullshit, lessons, No! We are in severe absolute danger! It’s not a place to grow, all that stuff is paladin thinking. This shit is fucking scary! Shit is real. We are at the edge of the knife, when you really really REALLY get what the original state of Being did! This shit is fucking wild.
Gabe: So what happens if she doesn’t get it?
Z: Thank you, OK so if you look at Mom’s world, this construct that we are in, this is not mental garbage or semantics, everything in here is one. Because it is matter’s world, the material world, Mom’s world. It’s all one. One one one, One God, God, Oneness, Wholeness…uh…excuse me, why we are lying to ourselves, we know one is not whole. Why are we going around talking about oneness? In third grade math you learn that one can be broken into fractions, decimals. Pick up a stick, a leaf, you can always break it! How many times can we break the number one? Infinitely. That’s the only thing that isn’t finite.
Now if there is going to be a wholeness of things done authentically, 338,000 parts, (169,000 from Dad and 169,000 from Mom) which is a whole, that’s it. So the body of reality, inside the original state of Being – is a finite thing! It may be everything but it’s finite. So the people going around saying, ‘we’re infinite man, it’s so infinite…’ Uh no, nobody would be saying that if they grasped what it is.
It’s like this: you have a body. The body only needs to hold so much blood. It doesn’t need more blood, that’s not good, it doesn’t need less blood that’s definitely not good. It needs the blood it needs. The approximation of the psyche when they want to talk about ecstasy, is – ‘inexhaustible.’ They are looking for something that is everlasting. but its finite. The body of reality has only so many parts, we just want them to be inexhaustible. NOT infinite. When you really track down what infinite means, it’s how many times can you shatter the number one. There is no limit to how much you can break one. That also answers backwards the dementedness of the Mom Demiurge process. You can never have obliteration. So any way she attempts to win, she loses. You can never have obliteration you can only have eternal demolition. Everlasting shattering. You don’t get oblivion. It’s not that simple. The soul instead has the experience of constantly being broken into oblivion. You can neither generate energy or destroy it. It needs to go on and on. This is the question of the infinite psyche, your experience of the soul, is it going to be in an eternal shattering?
So if we fuck up, each thing that was a soul will be like the Mom is now, everything will be in this chaotic state of forever. Like you start to feel like you are coming back together, and then you shatter again. And then all those fragments feel like I’m coming back together, and then you fragment again. And you never come back together. This is what the Satanic voice is calling, ‘the ever-expanding universe.’ That’s what it really means. It’s talking about pushing hell over the edge from which it can never come back.
Gabe: that’s seriously a risk? Oh my God.
Z: That would mean the pixels went too far, we can never put the picture back together, can never put Humpty Dumpty back together again. But we are not there! Another module of looking at this is pushing a car out of a ditch. Roll it back, push it forward, roll it back, push it forward. And then it reaches that apex point you go, ‘OK everybody push now! This is the thing like, now you gotta PUSH!’
We wanted all the energy on the back end. We hid ourselves from ourselves, so down here in this material world, we are going to hide ourselves from ourselves, build up this surplus of energy until the last cycle, and in the last cycle we are all going to go, ‘wake up! Now push the car!’ So we are on that end. But the problem is we have been in this thing so long, there is some part of the psyche that goes, ‘alright, we do this all the time and we always lose…its starts over….yeah we want to win, but we’re lethargic, we always lose and then it starts over.’ But it’s like, “no, no, no! You guys, this is the last round, this is the round we are supposed to win win win!”
We can really lose. Every religionist, every new ager got it wrong- we can actually lose. This is the biggest most wonderful thing if we get it correct. But the fact that we can really REALLY lose, is the reason we can really, really really win! You couldn’t really come to Christ, come to the divine inter-relationship of all these parts, if you couldn’t also really lose. if there is anything overseeing this, or chaperoning this process, it wouldn’t be genuine relationship.
This is why Mom is holding back, ‘cus she is so freaked out, if she let’s go, we could lose! But the most ironic thing of all ironies is that by holding back, that’s how we are losing! ‘Cus she wont yield. But it’s not her – that part of her is part of Self, and that part of Self is like, ‘but I don’t know!’ But by that fear, by that fear of implicit change, it’s generating the thing it’s afraid of. And that’s always true here. When you get nervous, when you get afraid you start manifesting the crap that you don’t want to happen….
Gabe: So what your hopes, are you optimistic or pessimistic that she will let go by…2045 you said?
Z: Neither, I don’t give a fuck anymore, I’m just pushing for it. If I stop to philosophize about that I will be yielding to her machinations. I will take this ball at the last minute and knock everybody down and run across the field, like a safety. And that doesn’t mean we will win, but I’ll do it. You know what I mean? if its just me, I will grab this football and run straight across the field, and use the last of my power to jump over the goal posts, doesn’t mean we will win, but I’ll still do it. I don’t ask those questions anymore! I’m just moving. I don’t have time to weigh or assess this, if I stop to turn around I’ll be turned into a pillar of salt, and if I’m turned into a pillar of salt, than fuck the rest of you! I can’t ask that question anymore. I know what this is, I know what’s going on, so I’m just, move move move, GO GO GO!
Gabe: So that’s why when you originally messaged me you were like, there is a time-frame here?
Z: Yeah it’s fucking urgent! …it’s ‘cus you know something that I don’t know. And this guy over here has something we don’t know. Everybody has got a piece of this puzzle, I might have the frame or outline of the puzzle but until all the pieces get their shit together, and pay attention, I don’t know what the centerpieces of the puzzle look like!…